Sparrows and Blogs

“What is the price of two sparrows–one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.” Matthew 10:29

As much as I’d love to believe that my view of God is accurate–Biblical and true–I can find myself falling into some really basic mental pitfalls. Most of my wrong views of God stem from my own parenting shortcomings. I love my kids to distraction. But I am also easily frustrated by them. I get annoyed by their humanity, even when I’m being a hypocrite about it sometimes (ugh, kids; how dare you leave your clothes in the middle of the floor again, regardless of the fact that I do the exact same thing?). Some days, I’m overflowing with patience and lovingkindness. Others, I’m doing well not to say out loud: “Your voice is like an ice pick in my brain, and everything you say–no matter how normal or basic or necessary–is aggravating the snot out of me.”

It’s easy for me to project my bad days or ill humor onto God and assume that he reacts the same way, even though I know from Scripture that it’s not true. He doesn’t change his mind. He isn’t fickle or hormonal. He’s slow to anger and abounding in love. And that love endures forever. Just like my love for my children. Only, he never has to apologize for the things he said when he was hangry.

LIKEWISE, I can find myself questioning just how much God could possibly care about the minutiae of my life. I mean, there is actual suffering in the world. Surely, my little issues can’t be that compelling. (SUCH a human thing to think when God is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and independent of time and space). But then, I read verses like the one above about the sparrows or Matthew 6, which is all about God’s caring for the grass and flowers and how, if he take the time to give a daffodil its frilly edges and buttery yellow hue, how much more does he care about me? Yes, even the things that shouldn’t seem to matter.

Or sometimes, I get such a sweet glimpse of the way he orchestrates the details of my life that it rocks me back on my heels, theologically speaking.

Take Sunday night for instance. I went to bed at 11:15. I had to wake up at 5 AM to teach my Body Pump class, so I set my alarm, but I did not plug my phone in because it had 65% battery, which was more than enough to make it through the night, my class, and most of the rest of the day.

What felt like mere seconds later, I awoke to find Theo standing beside my bed. Feeling groggy, I hauled him into bed and snuggled his little body close. And then, curious, I checked my phone to discover that it was only midnight (even though he’s my earliest riser, he rarely comes into our room this early, and I don’t remember the last time it happened at midnight). As I stared at my screen, something else registered with me: my phone battery, which had been at 65% 45 minutes before, was now at 15%. Even though I hadn’t been using it at all. Apparently, there was an app in the background siphoning its battery power at an alarming rate.

You guys. If Theo hadn’t crawled in bed with me at midnight, my phone would have died in the middle of the night, and I would have disappointed 20 people who got up early with the express design of taking BODYPUMP the following morning. I would have gotten a call from my group fitness manager asking why I hadn’t shown up to class. And I wouldn’t have had anything else to offer than: “My phone died.” It would have been embarrassing and just all around bad.

Or take my blog.

Yesterday, it disappeared. Just…poof. Wasn’t there anymore.

I came home from errands yesterday evening, and Shaun asked me if I had done anything different–updated something or changed a setting. NO, I said. WHY DO YOU ASK, I said.

Because it’s gone.

Whuuuuuuttt?

I didn’t panic, but I certainly did feel anxiousness begin to simmer in my soul at the prospect of losing almost 7 years’ worth of projects and pictures and memories.

I have the utmost faith in Shaun’s ability to fix all things technical. He’s a wizard. But I still know that, sometimes, technology breaks for no apparent reason, and it can’t be fixed.

We called GoDaddy (our hosting provider), and they spent about an hour on the phone with Shaun trying different things to help him restore the information…with no luck.

It was a database issue. Not a hosting issue. And we couldn’t even log into my account to figure things out because my username and password are stored in the database, which was clearly corrupted.

Here’s the thing that blows my mind, though, y’all.

We’ve been needing to update my blog for ages. You know that. Some of you semi-regularly email me about that. I mean, my profile pic is approximately 4 years old. Two kids are missing. It’s ridiculous. But it takes a lot of time to do much of anything technological, and we just haven’t had it.

Last Saturday, we finally had a free day to focus on the changes. But first, Shaun said we needed to back up my blog to his computer…just to make sure that, if any of the changes caused any problems, we’d have a copy of everything.

This is the first time we have ever done this.

Two days later, my blog crashed. Apparently, there were tables with information in the database that had grown much too large due to a bug in a plug-in, and my entire site just shut down out of sheer exhaustion from having to carry the weight of all of that info (NOT a technical explanation, I realize…but one that many mamas will be able to relate to).

It had nothing to do with our backing it up, and the back up took so long that we never got around to changing anything on the site. In other words, we did nothing to cause the crash. It. was. going. to. happen. We just didn’t know it.

But God did.

And I firmly believe that he prompted my husband to do the backup of everything…two days before…for the first time in seven years. And because of that, once we figured out and fixed the problem with the database, we were able to restore all of that saved info. spilled milk

Are y’all picking up what I’m laying down? It’s hardly water into wine, but I do consider the fact that my blog still exists an absolute gracious miracle of God.

Why do I say all of this?

Well, first of all as an Ebenezer. I want this blog here to be able to look back on when I (inevitably) begin to wonder whether I should take this or that silly little ol’ thing that’s making me anxious to the Lord.

And maybe as an encouragement for you too. I don’t know most of your circumstances. However, I do KNOW that God cares about them because he loves you. I knew that before he used a toddler to make sure I woke up on time or made sure we backed up my blog so it wouldn’t disappear. But I sure am grateful that he saw fit to give me those little windows through which to glimpse his love.

Maybe you’re struggling with something you think is too minor to take to God. Or maybe you’re staggering under the weight of something that feels too big for God. Neither is true.

Like the old song says:

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,

And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;

Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Is there something (big or small) I can pray for you about? If so, it would be my privilege. You can email me at blogabbie{at}gmail{dot}com.


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8 thoughts on “Sparrows and Blogs

  1. I just love this. Jesus knows just what we need and sometimes I’m tempted to brush these little things off as coincidence but it’s like the Holy Spirit is just whispering “I really do care about every tiny detail of your life, you can come to me with everything”. He is so good, I love reading about how you see His hand in your day to day too! I found your page and blog via a friend and have been so encouraged and inspired by your openness and your sweet spirit when it comes to your kids and hubby. We have 4 kids and we said we were done but I see you and think -she has way more and she seems sane still! My husband uses my FB and has commented several times on your color choices and design of your house

  2. Thankyou for sharing the good news of the gospel without apologies. I have six kids and the busyness of the million little things to be done can be overwhelming at times, but taking the time to refocus on the One who truly matters most and loves me infinitely is such a blessing. I love those quiet moments when He reminds me of all the tender mercies he has blessed me with in my days, the moments He is showing me He loves and knows me and my family.

    Keep on keeping it real!

  3. I call these tender mercies. It’s a gift to be able to see them and His hand in them. Thanks for sharing to encourage us.

  4. I love your random “God knows” kinds of posts. They always seem to happen when I need them the most. You’re a blessing, Abbie.

  5. Bless your heart. God is in the middle of all of it, even the little things that may be insignificant to other people. To you, it matters, so it matters to our heavenly daddy.

    God recently did a big thing for me that no one else likely noticed. It impacted zero other humans save for one, me. And it’s changed my whole outlook on grace for the past few weeks. I’m so glad you were able to experience this! It gives us a fresh perspective on just HOW DANG MUCH God really, truly cares about every single detail of our lives. <3

  6. Thank you Jesus for showing up when you are needed! This blog post comes at just the right time. Thank you Abbie for recognizing God’s handiwork, and for telling us about it.

  7. Praise God for your blog reappearance and for a wonderful Father that cares about all of our worries and needs no matter how small. Your blog and your faith are a blessing to me.

  8. I’m so glad your blog is still here!
    In the middle of the night last night I woke up and was concerned that the baby was congested and not nursing like normal. And she was sleepy instead of distressed by it. (Last time that happened I ended up with a baby in a helicopter with RSV being flown to a bigger hospital, so you can imagine why this had me on edge.) I prayed for a while, wondering if I should go to sleep or try to wake her up. Then her nose suddenly cleared up and she could breath and I was able to coax her to sleepily nurse. God cared about a snotty nose in the middle of the night. It’s hard to believe that. But I’ve never forgotten someone saying ‘if it’s big enough to worry you, it’s big enough to pray about.’ That’s helped me pray about the silliest things!

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