Move-it Monday: Lessons in How (not) to Pose

Good morning, lovely people!

I don’t know what’s happening in your neck of the woods (I feel so Al Roker when I say that), but around here, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flies are buzzing (darn kids keep forgetting to close the door!), and we are starting Monday with smiles on our faces.

That might have something to do with the fact that all three little girls slept all.night.long (♪all nii-ight!♪) and yesterday was the best Mother’s Day ever. But you’ll have to wait until Thursday for a complete update on that.

Of course, it’s a good thing I’m starting Monday off feeling so upbeat since I’ve got meals to make, knowledge to stuff into small brains, BODYCOMBAT launch to make it through (THIS afternoon, eeek!), and a slough of extra classes to teach throughout the week because of other instructor’s being on vacation. Throw in a birthday party, Wednesday Bible study, homework, the 30-day Husband Encouragement Challenge, and, well, life…and this is shaping up to be quite the hectic week.

In other words: normal.

So…

Do y’all remember this article that made me famous enough for a Target shout-out when I was 38 weeks pregnant?

Well, the reporter asked for a follow-up to talk about getting back your fitness/figure after pregnancy, so I did a little interview with her. I still haven’t seen the print version since we don’t get the paper (anybody local still have your copy of last Sunday’s paper?), but the online version is essentially the same minus a few pictures. You can read it here, if you’re interested. (The only thing that isn’t accurate in the article is that I actually exercised until my 39th week, and I’m not even sure where she got the number 37, but it’s probably better for that article since it doesn’t make me sound quite as crazy; y’all already know the truth).

If you read my description of the rather ego-smashing experience of getting photographed from every hip-widening, belly-ballooning angle (and having friends and gym members express their, ahem, surprise at just how “robust” my figure appeared in the shots they used for the articles), you might be surprised that I’d say yes to another one. But this version was just an email questionnaire, and I was allowed to provide my own picture.

So, I looked through the rather extensive Facebook documentation of our various BODYPUMP and BODYCOMBAT launches, hoping for an “action shot” that would serve as a good “after babies” update.

Unfortunately, I was always either posing too close to someone to cut myself out of the picture without taking a bodyless arm or leg with me, or, I looked like this:

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And let’s all just be honest and acknowledge that nobody’s going to be inspired by that.

So, I had Shaun snap a few shots before I taught class one day…at which point, I became painfully aware of the fact that I am bad at posing.

fitness pic 4

Now, I realize I look normal-ish here. And I also realize that I post a lot of pictures of myself on this blog—in various poses that I’ve come to feel more or less comfortable (at least to the point of faking it) doing.

But I am never more aware of my posing-shortcomings than when I attempt to strike the perfect shoulders-back, belly-sucked, hips-turned, body-conscious pose that Tiffany, a former beauty queen-turned instructor at our gym, is always trying to teach me.

The above pic was my best attempt. The rest looked more like this:

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I call this one: “It’s Bright, and I Stink at This.”

And then there’s:

“I Need to Catch My Breath Because I Just Sucked in So Hard I Gave Myself a Stomach Cramp.” 

(no joke)

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And finally:

“Can’t We Just Send This One and Be Done With It?”

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So, there you have it, folks. Three looks to avoid should you ever find yourself attempting the beauty pageant pose.

You’re welcome.

P.S. Don’t forget to enter to win earrings from Blue Nile, $50 to Shabby Apple, and $25 to Isaboo Designs! Entries close at midnight tonight!

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2 thoughts on “Move-it Monday: Lessons in How (not) to Pose

I love comments so much I'd actually consider making them my seventh kid if I could. Seriously. Love. And I read every single one and will do my darndest to respond, especially if you have a question. So, yeah. Comment away! I'm listening!