Once upon a time, a girl went with her family to the lake in August in the scorching Texas heat. Fortunately, she was skilled in making wise sartorial choices in order to keep her cool, for she knew that polyester, pedal-pushers, and above all, full-length pants were no Texas-in-August girl’s friend. Alas, although she harbored a deep and abiding love for breezy skirts, her passion was overshadowed by her desire to keep the details of her foundation garments to herself. Which was a desire that was often thwarted by her 5 small children who seemed to think that the world should—nay, deserved—to know the exact color, pattern, and make-up of their mother’s underthings—a belief that they regularly practiced with frequent tweaks, twists, and twirls of their 10 undie-exposing little hands.
fearless slightly concerned, heat-beleaguered heroine wore shorts. But to soothe her skirt-deprived little soul, no ordinary shorts would do.
Oh no. She needed color. So, she wore:
…paired with a fantastic, mint-condition leather Fossil bag she scored on Craigslist for $40. (And then partially ruined by forgetting about a jar of baby food which then exploded on the leather. Sigh).
And then there were:
And a bit of hair experimentation, which our heroine now regrets.
Oh, and we can’t forget…
Although that was hardly her favorite part of this picture.
And finally, we have the:
Because, sometimes, only color and pattern will do.
And so, with well-ventilated legs and well-protected undergarments, our protagonist was able to return to doing the things she loved most:
And they lived happily
ever after until her 2-year-old discovered how easy it is to goose people who are wearing shorts.