What’s REALLY in my purse…

Have you ever seen one of those posts about what your favorite bloggers carry around in their bags? These are (supposedly) real women often with real, live, snotty-nosed, poopy-bottomed children, and yet when we see what’s in their bags, it looks like some sort of curated (and recently spit-polished) collection from Kate Spade.

So, in the interest of realness, transparency, and bracing honesty, I thought I’d share with you what it’s my bag these days.

purse

  • An Erin Condren life planner so that I’m always perfectly organized and on task
  • A pristine wallet that is COMPLETELY devoid of old receipts or anything else untoward or not perfectly in its place
  • Sunglasses whose earpieces have NOT been stretched by little hands to the point that they slide down to the tip of my nose, librarian-style, .02 seconds after I put them on
  • A handful of change so that I’m always able to buy my kids a snack on the go. (Ignore the black goo on the pennies and nickels; I’m sure it’s just a glitch on your computer screen)
  • Gum, so I’m aaaaaalways ready for a round of lively close-talking
  • 60 second polish, should my already spotless mani need an instant touch-up
  • Lipstick/gloss in an adorable strawberry case
  • Roll-on perfume, so that I’m always fresh as a daisy; definitely not just for those times when I have to go somewhere right after BODYCOMBAT and don’t want anybody to pass out if they get downwind of me
  • A pen, so that I can notate any last minute changes to my agenda…don’t worry, I’ll never forget that I was supposed to meet you to pick something up…ever
  • A perfectly patterned little pouch to corral it all so there’s no unsightly mess or clutter in the bottom of my bag
  • My phone. Again, I’m sure that lint on the screen is actually on yours

 

 

 

 

 

….Are you done laughing yet? I’m not sure I am.

So, here’s the deal, folks: every single one of those things actually IS in my purse…hypothetically for the reasons I listed.

HOWEVER, the other night, Mandy (who just/FINALLY had her baby girl! Huzzah!!) and I were having dinner, and when we got ready to leave, I couldn’t immediately find my keys. I started digging through my purse, and, even though I was pretty sure the keys weren’t in there after I pulled out the first few items, we were already laughing so hard at the magical appearing act I was putting on that I just kept going.

Now, granted, this was my bag immediately after vacation when we had been out and about all day long multiple days in a row, and being “prepared” was super-important, and I hadn’t had a chance (code for: taken the time) to edit anything down at all, and…(insert 6 more excuses)…

BUT

Here you have it:

purse1

AHEM.

The Hit List:

  • diapers
  • a ginormous makeup bag full of various and sundries
  • gum
  • a pile of (CLEAN!) napkins
  • a hair band
  • socks
  • deodorant
  • sunscreen
  • umbrella
  • earbuds
  • applesauce
  • a plastic baggie full of essential oils
  • a package of crushed crackers
  • BODYCOMBAT notes
  • Chickfila kids’ meal toy
  • wallet
  • headwrap
  • belt
  • glow stick wand
  • onesie
  • mini-file/foot scrub/lotion

NOT pictured: wipes, several small piles of crumpled up receipts, straw wrappers, etc., (clean) underwear, and probably at least 5  more things I’ve forgotten.

So.

Basically, if you are:

  • hungry
  • naked
  • going swimming
  • in need of a makeover…or a pedicure
  • bored
  • desperate to unleash your inner glow-stick princess
  • smelly
  • worried you might get caught in the rain
  • in need of a workout

…come see me. My BFF, Mary Poppins, and I will hook you up.

Okay. So, now that I’ve let the cat out of the bag (kind of amazing that I don’t mean that literally)…it’s your turn.

What’s REALLY in your bag??

 

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12 thoughts on “What’s REALLY in my purse…

  1. This is great! I have 4 kids 5 and under. My purse often looks like this, but usually has a full size coloring book and a baby doll. Thanks for keeping it real!

  2. There is seriously so much greatness in this post! I could go on the game show Let’s Make a Deal with my real life purse! It’s almost laughable how crazy it is ;) Thanks for always being real :)

  3. Yay, Mandy!!! (I found you through her blog) And, you keep…an umbrella… in your purse? ;)

    My purse… I don’t carry one, honestly. I don’t have kids, yet. Ohh, and I rarely go anywhere. ahaha…. When I leave, I do have to take my laptop and/or kindle with me though…and reading material. :)

  4. LOVE your wallet! And my purse is full of crumbs wrappers and old crumpled up receipts as well as my wallet phone camera chapstick lotion hair brush mini lint roller perfume mints and keys.

  5. Mine is surprisingly stocked right now but that may have something to do with me putting a pull up on my 4 month old at Jo-Ann’s because I forgot to restock my diaper bag and she had a massive blow out.

  6. This is so funny! I recently pulled out an old purse and found a few clean diapers, a Thomas the Tank Engine and a tiny Elmo and Big Bird. Considering my youngest is almost 7(!) I clearly hadn’t used that purse in a while. It was hilarious and made me teary all at the same time.

  7. Hysterical! I have expired coupons, essential oils, old receipts, lip gloss, bobby pins, a pacifier, hair ties, my wallet, 3 pairs of sunglasses, bandaids, lots of spare change, crumpled up tissues, and various hand creams. (That’s just a start!)

  8. a baby brush (even though my daughter no longer has “baby” hair), a pen that doesn’t work, a pen that does work, a couple baby hair clips….. yikes! I need to stop playing this game. Ignorance is bliss!

  9. I’m still nodding my head! I have 5 ranging in age from 13 months to 11 and could literally pull out almost every single thing you did!!! Oh and a pair of school scissors, dental floss, and emergency tooth glue in case my husband has a tooth “incident”…..again ;)

  10. I love this! I’m sure my purse would look similar if I carried one… how do you carry a purse in addition to I’m sure several other bags of things to get your kids out the door for a day? Now that I carry a diaper bag I have some of my stuff (most importantly essential oils & headache meds for when eo’s just won’t do it) and wallet in there but no more purse for me. I just kept leaving it at home, just one thing too much to remember.

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